ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
