I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
