its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
