apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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