It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
