I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
