i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
