I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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