Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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