I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
