i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
