I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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