Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
