So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
