I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
