Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
