Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
