we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
