I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
