i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm having to shit out rocks
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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