We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Randomize
