I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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