I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
