The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
