so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
