people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize