Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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