i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
