I will die if light touches me.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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