I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
