there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
