i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
