Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
