She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
