whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
