She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
