you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
