I need help removing her.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Who died my cat blue again?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
