i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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