she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
