hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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