The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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