I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
