just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
