I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
