The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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