Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize