what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
