the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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