Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
