Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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