if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
