There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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