My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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