my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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