Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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