I hate all girls vehemently.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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