Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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