Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
