You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
