Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
