Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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