Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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