I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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