Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize