Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
