it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
