We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
