The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
my poor anus
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
