I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
