Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
