was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
