If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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