Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
